Wednesday, February 01, 2006

oh god, what next? Larry's dad was just diagnosed with lung cancer (and since I just went through this with my Grandma, I know the first thing everyone wants to know is, Does he smoke? and the answer in this case is no, he has never been a smoker). Larry's mom is freaking out, understandably. They've been married for 54 years and she has always been totally dependent on him. He's in poor health anyway, with diabetes and other health problems, before the cancer, so it isn't clear whether they will even attempt chemo. There is no surgery to be done. It is all eerily familiar to what we went through with Grandma last summer. I feel so bad for the whole family, it doesn't devastate me personally like losing my Grandma did but I hate to have my kids go through another loss so soon. I hate to think that Larry will lose his dad without having time for one last hunting trip, one last fishing weekend. I hate to think of what June will do without Harold there to be the center of her life, and how horrible it's going to be for all Larry's brothers and sister. I'm just that much more emotionally distanced that I can see that it's only a matter of time. He is over 80 years old and not in good health in the first place. For his sake I'd say I hope he goes fast, but at the same time that makes it that much harder for the remaining family to process.
God, just when we were getting past the first wave of grief over Grandma, just when we had found the new landscape of our lives without her, we are facing another loss again so soon. I ask What next? but I really don't want to know....

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