Friday, November 04, 2005

avert your eyes....

because this isn't going to be real pleasant. Just kind of in the middle of a real BLAH day, week...whatever. I guess it's just part of the cycle of my life, I should be used to it by now. Speaking of cycle, it's probably PMS at least in part. But it's not just that. It's everything. I'm at the point of not sleeping real well now, that will probably continue for a couple more nights until I take some tylenol pm or something to help me sleep, which will break the no-sleep-cycle, and then things will start looking up again. Boom boom ain't it great to be crazy.
Of course the holidays coming up aren't conducive to rest and relaxation, either. Now that I have no income at all we are a one paycheck family again, and it's not easy. We're having a hard time just paying the bills right now, god alone knows where we'll come up with the money for christmas. And looking at our first christmas without Grandma, it's not something I'm looking forward to.

I'm trying to get into it, I even took Lilly to Target this morning to look at their Christmas stuff. I knew they'd have it out now that Halloween is over, and they didn't disappoint. And I did see some really really cute stuff, but there again it's a money issue. "Window shopping" is only fun to a certain point, after that you are just torturing yourself with things you want but can't afford.

So, I don't really know. I'm trying to be kind to myself and do little things that make me happy (like this, and a triple grand gingerbread latte, yum!), but I just feel like I"m going through the motions. I guess that's not so bad, maybe if I "just keep swimming" it will get better. Fake it till you make it, right?


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