Thursday, August 18, 2005

This morning I made Larry call Grandma's house to see if we could talk to her. My cousin M. answered the phone, and said Grandma couldn't talk, but for us to call before we come over. Which was weird, because he just asked to talk to her, not to come over. So then a couple minutes later my cousin calls back, and asks to talk to Larry. I asked to take a message, and she said for us to call before coming over. I told her that we weren't even planning to come over, we just wanted to talk to Grandma. She said again that G. couldn't talk, and I asked her if that's because she just woke up and we should call back later. M. said "no, she's on her way out. She's not making sense.". She said she'd call us later on. That was the end of the call.
So now I really wonder, obviously, what's going on up there and if G. really is going today. If she is that out of it then I won't take my kids up there, I only wanted them to say goodbye to her because I was picturing her being weak but still aware and coherent. If she's already past that then I won't subject my kids to that, but Larry and I would still like to go up to say goodbye. I'm just really glad I got to say goodbye on the phone the other day, so I don't feel like I HAVE to get there to see her off, I got to tell her what I needed her to know, and she was still with it enough to understand what I was saying at the time. So I have peace about that, but I'd still like to see her one more time if possible.

On a more positive note, I slept like a freaking log last night, I didn't wake up one time between about 11pm and 6 am. That is totally bizarre for me, a typical night for me involves waking up at least 10 or more times. I always go right back to sleep, but the constant waking up keeps me from getting any really deep sleep most nights. So last night was great. Between a good nights sleep and the miracles of modern psychiatric pharmaceuticals I am feeling pretty ok today, not the weepy sad wreck I was yesterday.

My house is mostly clean, which always helps my frame of mind too. I'm working on laundry today, and also planning on getting back on schedule with my twice-weekly plasma donation which I skipped last week because of my mom being here and everything going on. I am also hoping to sneak in a trip to both of the local scrapbook stores today to do a little retail therapy but {please} don't tell my husband!


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