Thursday, August 25, 2005

I uploaded my photos from the funeral and reception to my flickr account, you can see them by clicking on the flickr banner on the right side of my blog. I took the church ones and the outside ones, most of the reception ones were taken by one of my kids or Larry.

The funeral was nice, if that makes sense. It was sad and very emotional, I cried more yesterday than I thought possible after all the crying I've done over the past week. But it was a very nice tribute to Grandma, very solemn and church-y which she loved. My cousin Tiffany got up and read a small statement she had written about Grandma, how much she loved her and all the things G. meant to her. Also one of G's friends of 30 years got up and talked about how they met and some of the fun things they did together.

Neither of the Crazy Aunts showed up at all. It was good, in that there was no conflict or big scene with them, but I was also very sad for Grandma that none of her children were at her funeral. All 3 of Eileen's kids were there, and my cousin Rich who is Coleen's oldest, and of course I was there, so there was at least someone from each branch of the family.

It was good to meet so many of Grandma's friends, so many of them worked with her 40 or more years ago, several of them were her classmates from 1943! That was also sad, too, of course. For some reason the old guys were the ones that really got to me. You see these older men, white or silver haired but still looking masculine and tough, all dressed up in formal clothes. And then you look in their eyes and see the tears, it just doesn't fit and really hit me hard. So many people knew and respected her. One of the men I met was someone that had been her boss when she first started at the Tribune and she told me so many stories about him over the years. When he introduced himself to me my first thought was "I can't wait to tell Grandma that so-and-so was here!". Of course after a momentary lapse like that you just feel the loss so fresh, all over again.

Then yesterday evening I had to meet the executor of her will at her condo to look for some personal items that were missing. Man, was that hard. First of all I was waiting outside for him to come and I just lost it, sat on her steps crying and crying because it was so strange to be there and know she wasn't inside. Then we went in and the place was a total shambles, that got me crying all over again because Grandma was so particular about how she kept her house and I know she would never ever want anyone to see it looking that messy, especially her friend who is the exector. She would've been mortified to have anyone see her home in that condition.

So now it's the day after, and I'm just trying to figure out how to get my stride back, how to find what normal is after all the upheaval, craziness and pain of the last 6 weeks or so.


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